Dreaming

I have always been fascinated with dreams. I have had some odd ones in my time and have often looked up meanings to certain aspects of them. Not that I am saying I completely believe in dream interpretations but I find it fascinating.

I have been having a lot of strange and vivid dreams lately. Especially ones about my boyfriend cheating on me. This is one of the reasons I believe he is. Most of them deal with him and his ex (my ex roommate) getting back together. Everyone else in the dreams always know what is going on and it as if everything has been a big joke on me. She always rubs it in my face in the dreams and I always wake up in panic attacks or crying. The other night after one particularly bad dream, I woke up in a cold sweat but my skin was very hot and I threw up. That is how vivid my dreams are. I can not say I have ever experienced anything quite like this before. I have had dreams where I wake up crying or wake up feeling like I still have an injury I obtained in the dream, but never woke up with actual physical ailments.

It is really starting to worry me. These dreams are making me analyze everything that is being said or done and I dont like it. One of the dreams even consists of me on my wedding day walking down the aisle toward him and then the ex pops out from behind a pillar in a white dress and the ceremony begins while Im standing in the aisle and everyone is laughing at me. He would look at me and laugh saying and you actually thought Id marry you, thats cute. The other dreams always has the ex saying the same thing...and you think you can offer him something I cant, get over yourself. I dont know if this is just my greatest fears coming out but Ive been dreaming these for a couple of months now. Even before I saw something I wasnt suppose to.

When my computer crashed, my boyfriend let me borrow his. I knew his password from before we started dating and my curiosity got the best of me. I logged into his yahoo account and saw conversations he had been having with his ex. Ones that elude to sex, they used to use a funny metaphor and she was say she wasnt white because she had her mexican injection. In the conversations he called her a cracker, yes odd i know, and she said nope not anymore i had my mexican booster, then in another conversation, he had asked her when she wanted her next booster. Seems pretty convincing to me. I do not know how to approach this because I was never suppose to see these. Although, he has gone through my emails and phone before without asking.

Who knows, it could all be a big misunderstanding. But Ill continue with my motto, expect the worst and hope for the best.